B*Witched - C’est La Vie [Video]
We start proceedings then in a field where all four girls are lying down and having a jolly good time. There appears to be nothing in the way of a picnic (essential field-lying-down fare), although there are lots of...
We start proceedings then in a field where all four girls are lying down and having a jolly good time. There appears to be nothing in the way of a picnic (essential field-lying-down fare), although there are lots of pretty flowers and colours (which may well be related to the flowers) and then, in the middle of this sea of joy, we have quite an angry looking tree with a Tree House in it (one might ask if the words Tree House were entirely necessary there when a mere “house” might have done the job; my answer to you would be that if I had said a House in a Tree, would you not have some ridiculous image of a tree having fallen on a house and as such the house would be inside the trees clutches? Or have I just read into this far too much) and a not-quite-so-angry young man within the confines of this Tree House.
At a small wiggle of the face (I cannot think of any other way to describe it) this young man comes rushing out the tree to meet their attention, and the cheesy synthesiser really picks up on this. After this the band start dancing in a pretty awful manner (it’s not memorable and one wonders what Craig Revell-Horwood might have to say on the matter), mixed in with some of the worst, most sickly jump cuts this writer has ever had the pleasure of viewing. In addition to this there would appear to be a made-for-TV dog involved.
The aforementioned young man then kisses one of the girls on the cheek; far from causing the outrage that one might imagine, this is met by a level of bemusement. However, after a few seconds (arguably the longest few seconds of my life), the boy is now tied to a tree – not in a suicidal way, but he’s just tied to the trunk like an involuntary tree-hugger. This would then appear to be the cue for more below-average dancing, whilst the boy is tied to the tree even more in a manner that I actually began to find distressing. Dance, Jump, Dance, more dancing, boring.
As the song claims that the fun shall begin, we have a zoom in on this young mans face – and boy does he look scared! It’s almost as if he’s homosexual or something (and I don’t mean that in a negative way but the boy appears scared of these four admittedly slightly demented women, but even so – you’d hardly say no would you. Or maybe he’s married. One extreme to the other I suppose). The dog would also appear to be bounding towards this grossly scared boy (in one of the many scenes in this piece that wouldn’t look at all out of place in Soundgarden’s infamous Black Hole Sun video).
In a shocking development, the boy is covered with kisses from an apparently invisible source. After having some more fun at this boy’s expense (geez it’s like Loose Women wrote this video), the girls then do the Irish stereotype no good whatsoever with some ceremonial traditional dancing to some even more ceremonial and traditional music. This video realms into the cringe worthy then, and all that’s really missing is a few pints of Guinness and some potatoes to complete this ridiculously generic and poorly thought out stereotype (its like that bit in Independence Day when the English are having a game of cricket when they receive the call from the Americans and these ridiculous English accents come out; all that’s missing is tea and cucumber sandwiches, the French have all got black-and-white stripey tops and beret’s on, and so on and so forth).
So, do we have any inkling of a plot yet (there are horror elements to this, with the frightened boy being covered by kisses from an invisible beast – you could call this a horror if there were a plot (now I know House of Wax didn’t have a plot but at least that tried))? Quite simply, no. There are some more delightful, sorry, rubbish dances until the video climaxes with all four girls lying down in the field with their names superimposed upon the top of them. I mean, satirical purposes aside, this is a shocking attempt at a music video. Just some rubbish dance moves carried out to this ridiculous music; if I were Irish I would quite frankly be embarrassed by this. There are no genre conventions whatsoever, no attempt at a plot that might engage the audience; this is classic TMF background video (never mind background music) fare which tries absolutely nothing new and is just probably the most boring three minutes of my life – thankfully I got ten seconds of them back. I apologise for wasting your time if you did watch it and if you didn’t, well, you get the idea. Please. I hate this song. Don’t give it another watch.
Please.
NEWS UPDATE: Video Killed The Radio Star Writer reprimanded for offending the entirety of Irelands population. He is not sorry.
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