issue 013

Craig David - 7 Days

On my way to see my friends who lived a couple blocks away from me (owh) As I walked through the subway it must have been about quarter past three In front of me stood a beautiful honey with...


On my way to see my friends
who lived a couple blocks away from me (owh)
As I walked through the subway
it must have been about quarter past three
In front of me
stood a beautiful honey with a beautiful body
She asked me for the time
I said it'd cost her her name
a six digit number & a date with me tomorrow at nine

Craig David (for it is he) is on the way to see some casual acquaintances of his. Which is all fine and well really – although, they are local acquaintances so one wonders if they only acquire this status through geographical convenience. As he is on the way over to his friends house, he decides to walk through the subway (a controversial decision, as in the modern era the subway just isn’t safe any more – ever since the increase in chavs. And I know Craig David is pumped, but against a bunch of scrawny 14 year olds, I don’t overly rate his chances – especially with that beard, which shows a delicate, tender pacifistic man underneath) and bumps into a put of honey with a body attached to it. It’s a good looking pot of honey (is there such a thing as a bad looking pot of honey), and handily for Craig, the body has a decent looking body involved. He charges the pot of honey in exchange for the time, which for me is a bit harsh – and presumptuous, seeing as the pot of honey could ask for the time from any number of people. However, the gambit appears to pay off. Fair play sir.

Did she decline? No Didn't she mind? I don't think so Was it for real? Damn sure What was the deal? A pretty girl aged 24 So was she keen? She couldn't wait Cinnamon queen? let me update What did she say? She said she'd love to rendezvous She asked me what we were gonna do said we'd start with a bottle of moet for two

The pot of honey is clearly keen to create some new pots of honey for her struggling business, and gladly accepts Mr. Davids offer of some loving. The pretty pot of honey girl is apparently 24 (which I have to say is remarkable; does honey last that long? Does honey even go off? Not being a regular user of the substance myself these are questions I am eager to have answered), and quite keen to get to know Craig – firstly by cracking open a bottle of the failsafe drink, Moet and Chandon. I didn’t know honey and champagne was a good formula but hey, whatever works – works. Peanut butter and chocolate shouldn’t work (and for that matter, doesn’t) – but hey.

I met this girl on Monday
took her for a drink on Tuesday
we were making love by Wednesday
and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday we chilled on Sunday


By Wednesday Craig and this Honey/Girl are making love! The mental images of Craig David making love with a pot of honey (oh wait, there IS a body attached) are startling, shocking, and worthy of The Sun. They made love quite a few times (aw, how sweet – do you see?) but they spent some time in a large refrigerated environment on Sunday, whilst listening to some classic chill out beats.

[Verse 2] Nine was the time cos I'll be getting mine and she was looking fine Smooth talker she told me She'd love to unfold me all night long Ooh I loved the way she kicked it from the front to back she flipped (back she flipped it, ooh the way she kicked it) And I oh oh I yeah hope that she'd care cos I'm a man who'll always be there

Nine would apparently be their major time wherein they’d book some honey loving or whatever the kids are calling it these days. This would be because at this point honey apparently looks more sexier than at any other (I shall have to have a look at this). This pot of honey (apparently now capable of sexy chattery) would apparently enjoy unfolding Crayaaaig David all night long – which presumably means that he was folded up, as if he were a Human Tetris character or something like that. He also enjoys this pot of honey’s knack for gymnastics (which let’s face it is always going to be something of a spectacle, the fact it’s a pot of honey just adds to the novelty value. You don’t see that on TV often (unless you watch Bravo, and with shows like Dog The Bounty Hunter why wouldn’t you?).

Ooh yeah I'm not a man to play around baby Ooh yeah cos a one night stand isn't really fair From the first impression girl hmm you don't seem to be like that Cos there's no need to chat for there'll be plenty for that From the subway to my home endless ringing of my phone When you feeling all alone all you gotta do is just call me call me

Craig David is not a man to play around young man/lady. He does not believe that a one night stand is overly fair (an amicable viewpoint in this day and age to hold Mr. David, I’m impressed). From the first impression (and one assumes that’s because this is a Waitrose pot of honey, not merely some claptrap from Tesco’s bargain bin range), he see’s that this honey isn’t just some cheap slut only in there for the short term; this is proper honey, in it for the long haul and both parties seem all the happier for it. Craig would also like this pot of honey to master the art of the telephone and ring him (quite how the logistics of this would work I am interested to find out, although quite how the logistics of a lot of these far fetched ideas that Craig is putting forward I would be very interested to find out – Craig, if you’re reading this, put me right please).

(Break it down, uh break it down) Since I met this special lady ooh yeah I can't get her of my mind She's one of a kind And I ain't about to deny it It's a special kind thing with you-oh.......

This speaks for itself really. Craig feels that since he met this particularly tasty pot of honey (and can’t forget the feel of that liquid gold in his mind), he has come to decree that this pot of honey is a one off; a king of kings (or rather queen of queens). Silly man. Unless it’s one mighty large pot of honey, anyway…

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