Spice Girls - Spice Up Your Life
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La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
A nice simple start for a simple band (I use that term band loosely of course as they don’t play their own instruments or write their own lyrics and music, although it doesn’t look like professionals do either).
When you're feeling sad and low
We will take you where you gotta go
Smiling, dancing, everything is free
All you need is positivity.
Now I wasn’t actually aware that the Spice Girls had any psychiatric qualifications, as they seem to be offering free advice for people with depression. Then again, they could be representing some kind of medical facility (or are the drivers of the ambulance, and to be fair the spice girls turning up in an ambulance to a psychiatric hospital would amuse me, at least until they begin singing) as they are intent on taking the depressives somewhere to get some help. This is quite an altruistic turn by the girls which seems rather out of character.
It’s not made clear where they are taking them exactly and what their credentials are to diagnose psychological illness, but their description of the place at least makes it sound good as supposedly everyone there is free and happy, or drugged up to the eyeballs. This would probably help the depressed patients feel better though. Then however, they say all you need is positivity? Is that the extent of their psychological advice!? Be positive!
Now I’m not a psychology expert (thought I did get a B in A-level psychology), but I think depression is kind of a debilitating illness which makes it hard, Nay, Impossible to be positive! It seems the Spice girls are very good at pointing out the bleeding obvious though somehow (much like how I have just done).
Colours of the world
Spice up your life
Every boy and every girl
Spice up your life
People of the world
Spice up your life
Aaahh!!!
The girls now order pretty much everyone in the world to spice up their lives. What the hell do they mean by that? Do they mean add some spice in a metaphorical sense, such as throwing caution to the wind and saying “I’m going to buy those plimpsols I’ve always wanted today, ignoring all the criticism suggesting that I am mad”.
Then again, there are some very open minded people in the world and some may just come back and say “well maybe it is you who should be spicing up your life”. “My transsexual wife and I (I am after all a hermaphrodite) have been in an open relationship for the past 10 years and have an orgy night every Tuesday after my shark diving class; your lives are mild by comparison”. However, maybe the girls simply mean it in a literal sense and that all the people of the world should take some spice such as turmeric and add it to their cooking in future?
I do look forward to their next nugget of advice, it’s sure to make perfect sense of what they mean by this….
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam what to the left!? Do they mean my whole body? What if there is a large hole to the left of me? Do they actually expect me to try and, “slam it to the left”, and then break my leg as a result of listening to these certified morons? What if there is a meat grinder next to me? Say I work in a nuclear power station etc etc……
Then they follow this up with a shake it to the right, once again I ask: shake what? First of all they approach me as a depression sufferer telling me to pull myself together and feel happy, then to spice up my life and then tell me to do some ridiculous dance moves which could result in my injury or death (assuming they addressing the entire population at once).
The girls now order the ‘Chicas’ to the front. That’s all very well and good but I don’t know what a chica is? I know what a Chico is, namely an un-talented singer songwriter who wrote a song about himself and named an hour after himself, but I don’t think they mean him. Looking to the fountain of knowledge (wikipedia) it details a chica as:
- A plant: So we are to assume all the people carrying pot plants should move to the front of the club
- An Orange Red dye: so all the people wearing a bad fake tan should move to the front
- A motorcycle make: once again bikers to the front
- Girl in spanish: well to be honest that’s probably it as the other options sound rather un-likely except for the one about motorbikes (the girls must know a quality Chica when they see one).
(repeat)
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight
I think what has happened here is that the girls are pretending to emit a Kiai (which is a martial arts term for shouting out when you do a move) although I think they’ve just come off looking a bit silly.
Yellow man in Timbuktu
Colour for both me and you
Kung fu fighting
Dancing queen
Travel spaceman
And all that's in between
The girls now start having a crack at the Chinese who live in Timbuktu. Now as you would imagine in Africa there aren’t many oriental people, putting them very much in the minority, so it can’t be nice for these people that the girls turn up and start singling them out. Maybe they want to maintain a low profile, and not be drawn into the limelight by some loud mouthed pop princesses. I sure know I wouldn’t.
Now the girls begin listing a number of different demographics, all sounding a bit fantastical. Whether this shows that the girls are hugely open minded or just a bit ditzy is open to debate but they sure have been huffing some good green in any case.
Flamenco
Lambada
But Hip Hop is harder
We moon walk the foxtrot
Then polka the salsa
Shake Shake Shake haka
Shake Shake Shake haka
Now the girls (as if their wacky listing hadn’t covered enough ground) start to name some dances such as the Flamenco and the Lambada, but claim hip hop is more difficult. I have never done any of these dances nor know what they actually are so I guess the jury’s still out on that one. Then again they believe they can moonwalk the foxtrot and polka the salsa. This is quite a postmodern take on old favorites but I must admit the latter sounds quite amusing to watch considering these two dances couldn’t be more opposite. They then round off a rather pointlessly epic song (musically at least) full of vacuous lyrics with a bit more pointless shaking and then come to a close.
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