MC Hammer - Can’t Touch This
U cant touch this My, my, my, my Music htis me so hard Make me cry: Oh, my Lord! Thank you for blessing Me with a mind And two hyped feet It feels good when I know youre down...
U cant touch this
My, my, my, my
Music htis me so hard
Make me cry: Oh, my Lord!
Thank you for blessing
Me with a mind
And two hyped feet
It feels good when I know youre down
A superdape home boy from the Oak-town
And Im known as such
And this is a beat ah
It appears that MC Hammer is being overly protective of whatever it is that he is referring to – the ambiguity here is very interesting indeed, it appears to share the same vein as the Golden Briefcase as featured in Pulp Fiction. However, in order to distract our attentions from The Object, he decided to tell us a Christian Music related story. Music apparently beat MC Hammer – whether or not this was when he was a young child is unclear, but I believe so, such is the tortuous effect that music appears to have had on him – like when a young child has experienced a shocking ordeal (such as the one in the news lately with the 10 year old girl who was raped after she “dressed provocatively”. And the two chaps involved got a handful of months between them. Yeah, that all sounds fair and above board). He however obviously has something to do with religion, feeling blessed with his mind (for he is the sort of bloke who cleverly uses “U” instead of “you”! What a sharp, agile mind!), and his “hyped” feet (his feet are apparently overrated – how exactly feet can be overrated is beyond me but then again you never really know with people such as MC Hammer, they’re just confusing).
It apparently feels good for MC Hammer when he knows that The Subject feels down. He is a bit of a mean bloke it would seem, and I mean really it isn’t very lovely at all. The subject appears to be a “superdape” (answers on a postcard etc.) chap from “oak-town”. Vague, as ever. However, MC Hammer then senses the music coming to beat him again, as shown here by his fear at the approach of another “beat”.
U cant touch this
I told U home boy
U cant touch this
Yeah, thats how were livin and U know
U cant touch this
Look in my eyes, man
U cant touch this
Here, let me bust the funky lyrics
U cant touch this
MC Hammer is extremely protective of The Object, and continuously repeats that The Subject is not permitted to touch said object. There isn’t a lot more to this really other than the fact that MC Hammer is looking disparagingly on The Subject, and ultimately you come away with the message that The Object really isn’t there for touching.
Break it down
Fresh new kicks and pants
U got it like that now
U know U wanna dance
So, move out of your seat
And get a fly girl
And catch this beat
While its rollin
Hold on, pump a little bit
And let them know
Its going on like that
Like that cold on a mission
So fall on back
Let em know that youre too much
And this is a beat
U cant touch this
The tone of MC Hammer’s message has changed significantly in this verse, so much so that I am inclined to believe that he may be referring to a different subject! He refers to fresh new kicks and pants (I can understand how “pants” can be fresh and new, but how can you invent a new kick? I mean the actual physical abilities of the joints are somewhat limited and as such inventing a new kick without damaging joints is a bit of a problem). These kicks then appear to be related to dancing (surely though kicking on a dance floor is dangerous! In addition to potentially injuring someone else, if you injure someone else bigger than you or someone else going out with someone bigger than you, you could well end up beginning a chain reaction wherein you are eventually more injured than the person you have injured, and no-one wants that – except the person who was injured, and even they may not actually want it if they aren’t injured in the first place).
MC Hammer then requests that you leave your seat and you get a fly girl (I presume this to mean a female pilot), whilst you catch the beat – aha. MC Hammer wants The Subject to protect him from the music! Far be it from him to hire professional protection (something fully recommended by all of us here at Video Killed The Radio Star, should they be required), he wants The Subject (who he appears to dislike) to protect him from a near certain death. Which is all a bit rich really, considering he revealed earlier that he takes glee in The Subject being depressed. He even refers to it as a bit of a mission, and I feel that he does not have massively honourable intentions regarding The Subject – I have my suspicions that he will not be amply rewarded for his endeavors. Oh dear.
Give me a song, or rhythm
Makin em sweat
Thats what Im giving em
Now they know
U talk about the Hammer
Youre talking
A show thats hyped
And tight singers
And sweating
So pass them a wipe
Or a tape to learn
What it is going to take
In the 90s
To burn the charts
Legit
Either work hard
Or U might as well quit
Another verse that is totally unrelated to anything that has come before it in the song. MC Hammer has gone from requiring protection from music to actively taking a “bring it on” attitude with regard to giving him a song, one which will make people sweat – I assume here that MC Hammer has now gotten over his fear of music, and wants to make other people fear music instead. I have to admit, from what we’ve seen so far, MC Hammer doesn’t seem to be a very nice chap. I mean I don’t like to judge people who I don’t really know, but the evidence here is beginning to add up. He then even claims that he himself is hyped up, as anyone who talks about MC Hammer is talking about a “show that’s hyped”.
MC Hammer then decides to divulge some information about how to crack the charts in the 1990’s (not really helpful now, but if you were to invent a time machine and go back to the 1990’s and decide to make a chart smash, these would be the guidelines that you would follow). MC Hammer believes that you require Tight Singers and Sweating and a Tape to Learn – the latter of which I believe involves nicking and learning someone else’s song, and then applying it to yours. All very astute advice indeed, and I mean you can’t deny that MC Hammer enjoyed chart success – so, if you invent a time machine and then follow his advice, you could have a one hit wonder in the 1990’s too.
Leave a comment