issue 013

Amy Winehouse - Rehab

Amy and Alcohol and Jim Trott all in one big, happy song.

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

The ambiguity begins here with Winehouse refusing to suggest who "they" actually are, whilst one assumes this is because of her apparently excessive drinking (the clue is in the name, non?).  Now.  There's nothing wrong with drinking in moderation; I am partial to the occasional glass of Merlot, or on a good day a fine Beaujolais.  It is evident even in this chorus that Winehouse is suffering the effects of alcoholism, insofar as she is stuttering over the word "no" Jim Trott style (although we are not suggesting that Jim "No No No No Yes" Trott is/was/will be an alcoholic).  Winehouse also suggests that she has been black; there are a number of interpretations for this.

There is no clarification as to whether she conforms to any of these, and as such this only furthers the ambiguity.  Winehouse then claims that she doesn't have the time to go to rehab (although if she is an alcoholic one assumes she is only busy with drinking, which if you want to get on the wagon is probably an activity you would cease, and this would free up a few more blocks in the schedule).  She then contradicts herself massively, claiming that her father believes that she is fine anyway - despite then attempting to send her to rehab.  Silly man, or rather, silly woman for penning such a silly line.  Jim Trott would not approve.

I'd rather be at home with ray
I aint got seventeen days
Coz there's nothing
There's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway
Didn't get a lot in class
But I know it don't come in a shot glass

Winehouse would rather be at her domicile with "Ray" (whether this is her partner or a Spanish midget serving as a sex slave whose full name is "Raymonde" is unclear), because she doesn't have 17 days to embark upon rehab.  Which is all fine and well if she had actually given us any concrete evidence to suggest that she would spend the 17 days more productively; working, or maybe cooking, cleaning, or writing a dissertation about the contribution of Jim Trott to modern day culture.  She then claims that there is nothing that the subject can teach her (oh, so you know how to juggle do you? 

I don't, but it would be nice), or that she cannot learn from the mysterious enigma that is "Mr. Hathaway" (the identity of whom is still unclear after a Google search, he is either "Donny Hathaway" - noted R&B artiste - or this chap).  She didn't achieve an awful lot in school anyway apparently, but hey - at least she does know that education is not provided through alcohol.  Good for her to clear that up for us.

The man said 'why do you think you here'
I said 'i got no idea
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby
So I always keep a bottle near'
He said 'i just think your depressed
Kiss me here baby and go rest'

Well!  It appears that Winehouse has submitted to demand, and has checked in for rehab.  She doesn't know why (its because your drinking too much love).  In a totally unrelated line however, she declares that she is going to lose her "baby".  Now, due to the lack of importance that this particular notion is given within the song, I would assume that this is not an actual baby.  Babies aren't the sort of things that pop up randomly in an AA meeting or anything like that.

AA Co-ordinator: "So, why are you here?"

Alcoholic: "Oh I dunno."

AA Co-ordinator: "Come on now, think! You can do it!"

Alcoholic: "Um...Oh yeah.  Well, I guess I don't really wanna lose my baby that much.  There.  Happy?"

It just doesn't happen.  However, because she is scared of losing her baby - which I am beginning to assume is a really nice car, which could be confiscated if she is caught drunk driving (and rightly so), she keeps a bottle near; whether this is more towards the Jack Daniels or Evian side of things is unclear, but what with the theme of the song I believe it is the former; hardly a drink fit for driving.  I mean I know you need a bit of confidence when you go out driving, but that's hardly the way to do it.  So, after this quite frankly terrible excuse, the Rehab chap then amazingly says "I just think your depressed" - no, you're not dependant on alcohol despite the fact you need it to drive, oh no dear, you're just depressed.  In fact, why aren't you drinking right now?  Here I keep a hip flask on me at all times; I fell off the wagon years ago.  What kind of rehab clinic is this?  Clearly not a very good one.

I don't ever wanna drink again
I just ooh I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
Have everyone think I'm on the mend
It's not just my pride
It's just til these tears have dried

Ah yes, the perennial student motto which is never, ever adhered to; "never gonna drink again".  Sure, right.  Pint then?  Winehouse though claims that instead of Jack and Daniel she needs an actual friend, someone real and fleshy.  This clearly will take time for a woman such as Winehouse, who will surely need to clear herself up a bit (there's too much make up and then there's too much make up) and tone down the personality problems.  Friends can help cheer you up though; they might take you out to a theme park, or for a fun day at the beach.  You never know just whats going to happen in the hip, rock and roll life of Amy Winehouse and Friend.  She would far rather spend ten weeks visiting theme parks and beaches with "Friend" than having everyone think that she's on the mend; she's too proud of the mess that shes got herself into to allow herself to go through the full 12 step program.  It's like someone losing their house keys but not telling anyone for fear of looking silly.  Which is fair enough, until you finally realize that you can't get into the house.

But hey.  If you have any problems, give Jim Trott a call.  He'll sort you out.

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