Limp Bizkit - Hot Dog
Tom has a look at this Fred Durst penned classic - featuring a certain F word well over 40 times (yes, you guessed it - Fred!).
Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing, the chocolate starfish, and the hot-dog flavored water, Bring it on, Get the fuck up, Check, 1, 2 Listen up, Listen up, Here we go,
Right. So it appears that Fred Durst, in addition to being a "singer", is also a bizarre inventor. His inventions are food based, and involve a "chocolate starfish" (which isn't really all that incredible an invention, one assumes it's just a chocolate bar shaped as a starfish. Which is just impractical, more than anything else. We are not given a taste test and as such can't conclude whether its cotton (Galaxy) or silk (Sainsburys Basics Chocolate Bars), so as inventions go it is really a bit basic), and they also involve "hot-dog flavoured water". Now, as concoctions go, it's a marvelous one - not in taste (again I cannot claim to have attempted to try such a bizarre drink), but just in sheer ambition. Its like something a 5 year old child would suggest, and Mr. Durst has then only gone out and done it. If I were he I would be giving this far more promotion than he is, for it really is a child's dream.
However, he shows that when it comes to the presentation side of things, he really is no Simon Ambrose. His introductory words of "Bring it on, get the fuck up" are hardly going to be impressive to an esteemed group of businessmen eager to invest - I mean, really, could you see Duncan Bannatyne and the rest of the Dragons investing in it?
No sir/madam, I do not.
It's a fucked up world, what a fucked up place, Everybody's judged by their fucked up face, Fucked up dreams, fucked up life, Fucked up kid, with a fucked up knife, Fucked up moms, and fucked up dads, Thats a fucked up cop, with a fucked up badge, Fucked up job, with fucked up pay, Fucked up boss, is a fucked up day, Fucked up breast, fucked up lies, All my niggas, in the biggest, got the facs of life
It appears that Fred Durst has tourettes syndrome. Far from this being funny, this is merely a sad fact of life and I applaud him for managing to go on and make a record. However, if you then remove the word "fucked" from this song, it just makes no sense whatsoever - so what's the deal here? Is Fred Durst actually attempting to use the word "fucked" as an adjective - which would then suggest that he is merely manipulating his syndrome, and as such his intentions therefore become somewhat less than honorable. If indeed it is being used as an adjective, then something is clearly up. All is not at all well in the world of Fred Durst, and in addition to tourettes there may be a little schizophrenia in there. He could even be suffering from bipolar disorder, which far from being at all funny is just horrible, and induces massive bouts of paranoia. Either way, as lyrics go, it is hardly in the best of tastes.
Ain't it a shame that you can't say fuck, Fucks just a word and it's all fucked up, Like a fucked up punk, with a fucked up mouth, Nine inch nails'll get knock the fuck out,
Well Fred Durst clearly has not got it all worked out in his mind. He claims that we cannot say "fuck", yet in this little piece he says it 46 times. And it's hardly like he's crossing the line of any massive taboo - just go to any football league ground on 3pm on a Saturday and you'll see what I mean. The word "fuck" is a common word, and Fred Durst is just complaining for the sake of complaining, without any hard evidence or statistics to back up his biased opinions. He then uses the lovely simile of a young chap with a deformed mouth - now really, is there actually any need for that? What about "like a man who requires corrective lenses"? Because that really is hardly fun, slightly pokes fun at bifocals (of which I am a wearer) and everyone's a winner.
Fucked up AIDS, from fucked up sex, Fake ass titties on her fucked up chest, We're all fucked up, so whatcha wanna do, Well fucked up me and a fucked up you
This little nugget contains my favourite lyric that I have ever analysed - "from fucked up sex". Well Really. It's like saying "that navy blue is a little, well, blue". He infers then to a woman who has received breast implants (again, he is hardly breaking the boundaries of social order here - breast implants have been an accepted element of society for a long time now). He then makes an outrageous statement that we are all "fucked up". What, may I ask, is at all "fucked up" about a chap like Morgan Freeman? Perfection in human form. Or Paul Scholes, the model professional who is in no way whatsoever "fucked up".
You wanna fuck me like an animal, You like to burn me on the inside, You like to think that I'm a perfect drug, Just know that nothin you do, will bring you closer to me,
No Fred, I do not want to engage in sexual intercourse with you as if you were some beast - that's just tantamount to bestiality, and that really just is not cool. I also have no intentions whatsoever of burning you on the inside - I mean, really, how would I go about doing that? It's not as if you're going to allow me to burn you inside out willingly (though I can only imagine the sheer number of people who have tried), so it would involve some over-elaborate plan with so many variables, little room for manouvere and a high probability of going wrong. Like Lord of the Rings, except without the Hollywood ending. There is also no perfect drug as far as I know and if there were one, ya know, you probably aren't it Fred. Seeing as, ya know, you aren't actually a drug - you're a mammal. A mammal with a penchant for swearing.
Aint life a bitch, a fucked up bitch, A fucked up sword with a fucked up stitch, A fucked up head, is a fucked up shame, Swingin on my nuts is a fucked up game, Jealousy fillin up my fucked up mind, its all fucked up like a fucked up crime, If I say fuck two more times, Thats 46 fucks in this fucked up rhyme,
"Lifes a Bitch - Then you marry one!"
Hilarious stuff. However, in a literal sense this just isn't true (as much as stand up comedians would have us believe otherwise), and really you aren't going to marry someone you regard as a bitch. I mean, why would you do that? God is (apparently - it must now be pointed out that I am very much agnostic) vengeful on the divorced out there, and marrying a "bitch" (unless of course Fred, in a tip of the hat to an earlier point, is actually referring here to a female dog and thus referencing the idea of bestiality).
However, this segment of the song contains the only line which resembles the truth (and I don't refer to the "If I say..." bit because that's just a cheap joke) - "swingin on my nuts is a fucked up game". I mean, ouch. That would just hurt, a lot. Not cool.
You can't bring me down, I don't think so, and also You better check yourself, before you wreck yourself, Kiss my starfish, my, chocolate starfish, PUNK Kiss my starfish, my, chocolate starfish
I don't quite know what to say after such a massive insult - Fred durst appears to think that I am a punk, when I can assure him (and you) that I really am nothing of the sort. Sure, I like a bit of the Sex Pistols - God Save The Queen and that - but really. I apparently can't bring Mr. Durst down (shame that), and I had better check myself before I wreck myself. Which I can only presume is a polite request from Fred to proof read before submitting any documents or articles. Which is actually quite good advice.
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