Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
Don't you tell me to smile You stick around I'll make it worth your while Got numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because I'm so versatile Style profile I said It always brings me back when I...
Don't you tell me to smile
You stick around I'll make it worth your while
Got numbers beyond what you can dial
Maybe it's because I'm so versatile
Style profile I said
It always brings me back when I hear Ooh Child
From the Hudson River out to the Nile
I run the marathon just up until the very last mile
The Beastie Boys here attempted an ambitious masterpiece, a series of tales intertwined by funky robotic noises. Here they are telling us not to tell them to smile; the writer may already have this covered, or in a more likely scenario, he is just not in the mood for a good bit of smiling and as such does not want the encouragement. Yet in the next breath the writer tells us to “stick around” and he will make it “worth [our] while”. This could be for any number of reasons:
- He wants us to partake in babysitting duties at a competitive hourly rate.
- He is planning some form of surprise party for us.
- He is going to try and include us in his latest pyramid selling scheme.
- He is going to offer us some black market petrol, at a very competitive rate indeed.
- He is going to try and sell us a new revolutionary phone; this could be hinted at in the next line regarding dialing numbers.
I feel that the rest of this particular song segment leans towards the telephone selling option. At this point he is personifying himself as the phone; versatile (one could take this to mean that it includes a variety of presumably 3G features – a camera (both video and photo), a built in MP3 player, a variety of different styles that you can choose willy nilly, a number of JAVA applications including challenging games such as Pacman and Mini Golf, a powerful organizer for your diary and contacts – and the ability to ring anyone from anywhere, indeed from Hudson River all the way to the Nile, there is nothing this phone is not capable of doing – and in addition to all this, it appears to be extremely durable on the power front. Sadly the Beasties do not reveal the specific model of this wonder-phone.
If you battle me I will revile
People always say my style is wild
You've got gall you've got guile
To step to me I'm a rapophile
If you want to battle you're in denial
Coming from Uranus to check my style
Go ahead put my rhymes on trial
Cast you off into exile
The Beasties are now giving us a solid mission statement; if we do intend to “battle” them (this could mean fighting them physically, or competing with them in a good old game of Chess), then they will revile and fight back. This could be a problem for us, seeing as they have a wild and attacking style – fine if you’re a defensive chess player, but if you aren’t overly confident and competent this could cause problems. They then point this out, basically saying that in a competitive match of Chess we would not have a hope – though they invite us to come and have a go, in front of a crowd amassing from places as far away as Uranus. This could be a cheeky innuendo, or could just be an insight into the bizarre and forlorn world of The Beastie Boys.
Jazz and Awol that's our team
Step inside the party disrupt the whole scene
When it comes to beats well I'm a fiend
I like my sugar with coffee and cream
Got to keep it going keep it going full steam
Too sweet to be sour too nice to be mean
On the tough guy style I'm not too keen
To try to change the world I will plot and scheme
‘Jazz’ and ‘Awol’ are apparently on this writers team; with names like this I can hardly envisage them being pedigree Chess players. Yet here they seem to be lacking the killer instinct required to become a truly elite Chess-ist. The writer admits to being too nice to be mean, ultimately this means that he could well lack that killer instinct to go “checkmate” at the crucial moment (this is also hinted when he declares that he is not overly “keen” on the tough guy “style” – which, for rhyming effect, is a word that I feel should have been replaced with scene) – whether or not this is relevant to his coffee habits (one assumes ill grammar is the main reason for that particular sentence being so confusing). However, despite the lack of a killer instinct in the Chess scene, the writer intends to change the world through chess. Much in the same vein as Bono wanting to change the world through music.
Mario C likes to keep it clean
Gonna shine like a sunbeam
Keep on rapping cause that's my dream
Got an A from Moe Dee for sticking to themes
When it comes to envy y'all is green
Jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine
Another dimension new galaxy
Intergalactic planetary
There appears to be a new chap in the “game” here, entitled Mario C. He appears to enjoy being clean and hygienic, using a “shiny” sunny product in order to maintain this sense of hygiene. We believe that Natures Sunshine Cleaning Products are what the Beasties are referring to here. The Beastie Boys are also boasting about their academic achievements, receiving an A from “Moe Dee” (now please, this is real school, not Byker Grove – we call teachers Sir or Miss, not by monikers as appalling as this), and they are also accusing us of envying them – well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t really. There are far more people who I would rather be. Like the Pope, who arguably has one of the better jobs in the world today.
From the family tree of old school hip hop
Kick off your shoes and relax your socks
The rhymes will spread just like a pox
Cause the music is live like an electric shock
I am known to do the Wop
Also known for the Flintstone Flop
Tammy D getting biz on the crop
Beastie Boys known to let the beat drop
What’s this? A historical piece on the roots of old-school hip hop? And just how old school are we talking? Back in the days when a certain Wolfgang was dropping beats, or more along the lines of Ice Cube? It appears to be the case that they are going to present something regarding old-school hip hop, as the Beasties request that you sit back and relax and to enjoy. It appears that this history involves something called the wop – presumably a dance move or something along those lines that the kids were practicing in those days. They also are known for the Flintstone Flop – a favourite of the modern day school disco scene even now. So, whilst we were promised a piece on old school hip hop, instead we got a piece on old school dance moves. And even then that didn’t clear things up really; we are left wondering just what on earth a wop is.
When I wrote graffiti my name was Slop
If my rap's soup my beats is stock
Step from the tables as I start to chop
I'm a lumber jack DJ Adrock
If you try to knock me you'll get mocked
I'll stir fry you in my wok
Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop
Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock
This is just getting silly now. For me, this segment of the song is basically what happens to you if you go traveling with someone for a long period of time, and if this happens repeatedly – you end up learning absolutely useless and bizarre stuff about them. You learn what their moniker was back in the day when they were writing graffiti. You learn that they regard their beats as being absolutely crucial to rap. You learn that they formed a hastily planned lumberjack firm under the name DJ Adrock. And you also learn that one of their more ill advised pick up lines was “hey baby, do you want to stir fry my wok?” – or something along those lines. Quite simply a cracking pick up line, any day of the week.
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