Album Covers #2: Kate Nash et al
Kate Nash – Made of Bricks Oh look – I’m Kate Nash. I’ve got a house and it’s made of bricks and you, well you just don’t. Pathetic. I’m Kate Nash – I went to private drama school don’t...
Kate Nash – Made of Bricks
Oh look – I’m Kate Nash. I’ve got a house and it’s made of bricks and you, well you just don’t. Pathetic. I’m Kate Nash – I went to private drama school don’t you know? I’m a successful musician, and you’re not. I drink cups of tea and you, well, you’re a fella aren’t you – you don’t drink cups of tea. I’ll bet you don’t even use mouthwash or floss – like, you should just go to a dentist. You’re just some smelly urchin with bad teeth who doesn’t have a house made of bricks and I, well, I do don’t I. Because I had an AMAZINGLY successful single and you don’t so HA. Just get another beer then.
That’s the general sentiment I get from this album cover, a true visage as to how good Ms. Nash is (there she is with her lovely, scenic house. She walks around in tip-toes because she’s oh-so-innocent (really, that must just get painful after a while) and prances around in amongst her very well cut hedges portraying unicorns, horses and the such like. She has lots of money and can afford to do all of this AND drink cups of tea, whilst we mere mortals cannot. Alas.
2 Kens out of 5
50 Cent – Get Rich or Die Tryin(g)
Ah Fiddy. That perennial namedropper. Here he appears to be standing topless (as all great rappers do, showing off a body that implies more time spent at the gym than spent at the studio – although, he could be morbidly obese and it would still sound that way) behind a smashed pane of glass, one that appears to be shot (a reference to his shooting? For goodness sake Fiddy, that was like 50 years ago (do you see?), grow up and get over it!). Apparently the only reason a bullet has not inflicted a wound upon him is that he was protected by a cross that adorns his chest, which implies that Fiddy is a religious man.
Yes, I forgot that drugs, guns, bro’s and hoes were part of the bible. Now, which part was that again? Honestly, these hip hop types and their hypocritical tendencies (lesser writers would have said hip-hop-ocritical tendencies, alas). On top of all of this the man has a serious look on his face – if I’d achieved what he’d achieved with that dross, I’d be laughing non-stop. Not that I’m bitter or against Fiddy cent or anything (he’s bigger than me). I love him really. Yeah. Definitely.
5 Kens out of 5
Megadeath – The System Has Failed
Quite a different album cover really to that luscious piece that graces Fiddy’s piece, Get Rich or Die Tryin’. It would appear here that a skeletal figure with official clothing is a judge of some sort, whilst a plethora of businessmen approach him just in front of the city hall. This judicial figure is holding a piece of paper with a declaration of “Not Guilty”; with the albums title being The System Has Failed, one can only assume that somewhere along the line something has gone horribly wrong. A portly gentleman some way back in the queue is meanwhile holding a briefcase with the motto “Plan B” printed on it; one wonders if this is subliminal advertising for that most respected of artistes (Plan B), or just a hint that Megadeath seem to have the solution to the problem.
In addition to all of this though, it would appear that this scene is set in a somewhat apocalyptic scenario, with the town hall looking dreadfully downtrodden (it looks like it may well have been quite nice at one time, the architecture hardly innovative but we can get round that) whilst the sky has been painted an ominous orange/red colour. All in all, a beautiful piece.
3 Kens out of 5
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Rod Stewart – Greatest Hits
Ah, the grandmothers favourite. Here we have this Scottish lovely in his hideously pink silk dressing gown – the sort that would give Trinny and Susana a fit, and the sort that’s given many young children nightmares (myself included). Here Rod just stares into the camera with a seductive pose that in some countries would get you locked up, whilst modelling a hairdo that screams “I’m trying to make it look like I just got up, but in reality I’ve spent 2 hours working on this – so for goodness sake love me”. It’s the sort of album cover you find at the back of the rack in HMV, the sort where it’s been reduced to 99p and there’s lots of other far more attractive Rod Stewart album covers in front (and as statements go, that’s a massive one).
0 Kens out of 5
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