National Accident Helpline Advertisement
This is Katy. She had an accident once upon a time and claimed more compensation than you could buy food with in Waitrose. But more on that later. The story starts with Katy walking through the revolving doors into...
This is Katy. She had an accident once upon a time and claimed more compensation than you could buy food with in Waitrose. But more on that later. The story starts with Katy walking through the revolving doors into this quiet reception area, but a quiet clean reception area with a faint buzz about it – just because this mere lobby isn’t busy doesn’t mean that the building this reception area receives for isn’t busy. I like to think it’s the sort of building with 2 lifts AND a service lift, with nearly a dozen floors and a real hustle and bustle about it. Watch the staff enjoying their mid-morning break in the canteen, sharing a jollity or two with the dinner ladies, helping the world go round in their own little way.
The sort of building where the ID and entry cards have little happy passport pictures with silly poses involving the thumbs up gesture on them as opposed to miserable middle management types looking like they’d rather be working down the mines than stuck in this job. The type where the David Brent’s of this world could thrive. And Katy, well, dear old Katy. She’s the centrepiece of this building. She’s the customer, and the customer is always king (or maybe queen, who knows). It appears however that in this case, the customer has been done a disservice of gross proportions.
The cleaner (often the weakest link) appears to have partaken in some mopping but, in that oh-so-casual way, has decided not to put out a yellow sign giving heed towards the fact that this is a wet floor. She falls over and “seriously injures” herself. However, it is not the act of her slipping on the floor that is the central piece of action within this advertisement; nay, it is the sheer crash, the absolute shock to the system caused by this lady’s handbag falling to the floor. The slow-motion shot following this blunt noise reveals that this handbag was stocked with just about anything and everything you could possibly imagine; from a small make up kit (because Katy is very wise and felt that she needed makeup, possibly in order to sweet talk those lovely compensation people into giving her lots of money, a central element to her overall money grabbing scheme. Not that I’m accusing her of trying to fleece the system because of some inadequate injury, perish the thought!) through to a balaclava (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6266649.stm) and even a book entitled “How To Fraudulently Claim Compensation” – a book which begins with the warning “You wouldn’t steal a handbag. You wouldn’t steal a DVD. Fraud is Stealing.” And it really, really is.
As she reacts to this misfortune (which could be entitled an Industrial Accident if this were her place of work) by slowly getting up whilst rubbing her knee – perhaps implying a bruise as opposed to a serious injury (if it were me I would be going “argh! My knee!”). An innocent bystander who has suddenly come into shot walks over very slowly as if to show that whilst he cares, he’s impassive and somewhat blasé about the whole affair. I might help you, I might not, meh. However it appears that he does help her and then – JUMP CUT!
It would appear to be some time later, we’re in widescreen in the comfort of Katy’s home and there’s a huge number flashing across the screen. This is most definitely an ambulance chasing advert then. Katy sings the praises of the National Accident Helpline (who really are very helpful indeed, if you’ve had a national accident anyway), and this comes shortly before she receives a cheque for £5,000. At this point I decided to play my own music on top, in the form of Boo Radleys Wake Up Boo – an extremely happy song to describe this happy and joyous moment (unlike some of their other material – Wake Up Boo is not really representative of what the Boo Radleys are all about to be quite honest with you). It would appear that after this ordeal, Katy is above all else – pleased. Good news.
But wait! Another woman has entered the fore giving us a pitch about the Helpful People who Solve National Accidents, and she has left us with so many unanswered questions – such as, well, the most obvious one – did she ever return to work? Was the injury terminal? Was the £5,000 sufficient compensation for her injury? Did she spend it wisely or blow it on a holiday without the kids? So, so many questions. Instead we just have some feminist pacing around in front of a big green cross and no-ones really the wiser. Really though, at the end of it all you have to say – all those kids starving in Africa and here this woman is getting quids in because she wore impractical shoes one day. These people.
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