Chamillionaire - Ridin' Dirty
So a few weeks ago we had a look at the video for Ridin' Dirty. Well this week Tom has a look at the lyrics in a stonker as a piece.
They see me rollin They hatin Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty Tryin to catch me ridin dirty My music so loud I'm swangin They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Well it would appear that the local establishment (I assume this by the derogative use of the word "they") are watching Chamillionaire - who I presume is a portly gentleman - rolling down the hill. This seems unfortunate as it seems very likely that he has been pushed and, well, you wouldn't really wish this on anyone. It would also appear that while he is rolling down a hill he is listening to his MP3 player (or, to be fair, his portable cassette player - it could well be that Chamillionaire is an active user of old-school electronic devices).
It would also appear that the hill that Chamillionaire is rolling down is somewhat muddy, and it is this - not the crime of pushing someone down the hill - that the police are concerned with. Deary me. Going after the victim and not the perpetrator who pushed him - outrageous.
Police think they can see me lean I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen When you see me ride by they can see the glean And my shine on the deck and the TV screen Ride with a new chick, she like hold up Next to the playstation controller is a full clip and my pistola Turn a jacker into a coma Girl you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone Just tryin to bone ain't tryin to have no babies Rock clean itself so I pull in ladies Laws of patrolling you know they hate me Music turned all the way up until the maximum
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Well it would appear that Chamillionaire has lost weight! One assumes that this is through a strict, stringent and self-disciplined exercise and diet regime. He also wears tinted glasses which he thinks makes him somehow disguised; I'm not quite sure where the logic is here. Perhaps Chamillionaire is of the belief that if he can't see something particularly well then they can't see him particularly well either. This, as you may well imagine, is a somewhat flawed viewpoint.
When the police see this rotund chap roll on by they can see a reflection off his, er, deck. It would now appear that Chamillionaire is a boat. Some of you out there could still be following this - yes, Tom, I can see how Chamillionaire could be a water-based vessel. I can grasp the concept that multi-million selling rapper Chamillionaire is in fact a luxury yacht, but how - logistically, I mean - would a yacht be a rapping sensation?
The answer is that I don't know. But The Chamillionaire comes equipped with a host of features that has attracted the attention of consumers everywhere.
Firstly, he has a playstation. He doesn't specify what generation, but this is an impressive feature. Secondly, this boat has apparently got an impressive music system. Thirdly, the captain is NOT called Krayzie Bone - this can only be deemed A Good Thing.
This boat also appears to want to mate - for pleasure (thus dispelling the myth that humans and, er, dolphins (?) are the only species that mate for pleasure).
I can speak for some niggas tryin to jack for some But we packin somethin that we have and um will have a nigga locked up in the maximum Security cell, I'm grippin oak Music loud and tippin slow Twist and twistin like hit this dough Pull up from behind and is in his throat Windows down gotta stop pollution CDs change niggas like who is that producing? This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin Got warrants in every city except Houston but I'm still ain't losin
It would appear that some of Chamillionaires black friends (we are a family site after all folks) having been trying to do something involving someone called Jack. However it also appears that "Cha" and the gang are packing up for a trip to prison (I'm not entirely sure they allow you to take your own luggage? Is there a menu in the Prison Restaurant (named simply "The Cell"?)). Cha also seems to be under the impression that he will be able to play music - of his own choosing - in the prison cells. This of course is total and utter nonsense - he would be able to play music, but the only song they'd be allowed to play would be Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
He also is of the belief that he'll be smoking and tripping in his jail cell. Again I do believe that at times the constabulary can be quite harsh when it comes to contraband - in particular illegal contraband - being smuggled in to prisons. He then starts to talk (in a particularly bizarre tangent) about Windows being down - could this be an all-too-subtle reference to reliability and security issues that BETA versions of Windows have been suffering from (ed. Probably the first time that the words Windows, BETA and Chamillionaire have ever been mentioned in the same context). He is clearly angry about the lack of support on his windows CD, although it should be pointed out that Microsofts online help is second to none (which, if you can't even start Windows up, isn't a whole lot of help in fairness).
I been drinkin and smokin holdin shit cause a brother can't focus I gotta get to home 'fore the po po's scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind Doin a hundred while I puff on the blunt And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all Comin pretty deep, me and my do-jo I gotta get back to backstreets
"Captain" Krayzie Bone has got a thing or two to say about all of this. It would appear that he has been living a life of difficult poverty, holding faecal matter whilst drinking and smoking to try and erase the smell and the texture from the dense item currently residing in his right hand.
All the while a black man has also been spinning a bottle of Hennessey - there is little explanation for this, however the image of Captain Krayzie and this anonymous black man spinning a bottle in the middle of a car apparently doing 100 miles an hour is one that I find quite frankly dull, mundane and regular.
The Captain is also smoking away on something that he describes as a blunt. I am not sure if this is rhyming slang for something, or if he just happens to be smoking on a blunt instrument - something which opens up endless possibilities for parody. While smoking away he also has a gun in his hand (and with which hand is he actually operating the vehicle? I mean this contravenes so many traffic laws and guidelines I don't even know where to start).
I wonder how people like Captain Krayzie actually succeed in passing their driving tests, although perhaps they continue their criminality in the worst pay possible - by driving without a license, and thus driving without insurance.
A bloody outrage, as I'm sure you'll agree.
Wanted by the six pound and I got heat glock glock shots to the block we creep creep Pop Pop hope cops don't see me, on a low key With no regards for the law we dodge em like fuck em all But I won't get caught up and brought up on charges for none of y'all Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark, but well if you want, nigga you poppin dark Ready or not we bust shots off in the air Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire
I'll be honest with you I'm really struggling to comprehend the first line of this particular verse. Firstly, wanted by the six pound? What does that even mean? The Captain is wanted by a newborn baby?
Secondly, it would appear that the Captain is on heat. This is an interesting development and would imply that Krayzie has himself perhaps been bred and raised with the specific purpose of further breeding (kind of like a High Class Russian Prostitute or a former-champion Greyhound).
Thirdly Krayzie is talking about glock glock...now I know this is something gun related and that guns are a favourite subject matter for our man Chamillionaire.
The theme of confusion and austerity continues with the captain talking about Pop Pop (Popeye? The grandfather figure in Arrested Development? A new imitation cola brand drink?). Whoever this bizarre "Pop Pop" figure is, the Captain really hopes that he doesn't have to endure the misfortune of watching the Captain being arrested by members of authority.
The Captain seems to be very much playing on his own team; he will take no charges or no "shit" for any of his contemporaries and while this is a good thing, scratching the back of others by taking the hit for them can have benefits later on down the line - like getting a drink bought for you, for instance. Kindness is a virtue but it is also a self-serving virtue and this is important to remember.
It's weird you know, rappers complain about being arrested and receiving undue treatment from members of her majesty's service yet at the same time one can only regard this as preposterous; their songs all deal with doing all manner of illegal things and at the end of the day if you just aren't prepared to do the time, then just don't do the crime - Bro.
Do what you thinkin so, I tried to let you go Turn up a blink of light and I swang it slower A nigga upset for sure cause they think they know that they catchin me with plenty of the drink and dro So they get behind me tryin to check my tags, look at my rearview and they smilin Thinkin they'll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin Cause they denyin is racial profiling Houston, TX you can check my tags Pull me over try to check my slab Glove compartment gotta get my cash Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast And been a baller that I am I talk to them, giving a damn bout not feeling my attitude
And so we're back to the relative sensibilities of Chamillionaire and his rapping. He requests that the subject follow their emotions and that they do as they think and want. It would appear that one of his black friends is somewhat upset with him because they have caught him with mind-and-body altering products - some perfectly legal, some seemingly not quite so legal.
And hey - I personally don't really have a problem with this. Drink and Drugs are all fine and dandy with me, however I do feel that if you partake in either activity while driving then really you are a bit of a silly billy.
As the verse goes on it appears as though the members of the constabulary are trying to check the tags on the car - I am a bit unsure as to whether this is some bizarre facebook reference or if this is to do with Chamillionaire wearing Dog tags (something I hear are very popular in that particular scene).
The police have decided to pull him over to check his slab. This could mean one of many things;
One: He has a slab of Galaxy hidden in his glovebox. Why have cotton when you can have silk, and why have cocaine when you can have this sweet, succulent and completely manly delicacy?
Two: He has a paving slab in his boot. This would surely not do the suspension any good and would overload the car severely.
Three: Along similar lines to Two this one; he has a slab of Marble-imitation kitchen work surface laid across his back seats.
In all due fairness, any of the three scenarios would surely arouse some suspicion in even the laziest and most mundane of police officers, so Chamillionaire cannot claim to be surprised or victimised in any way.
When they realize I ain't even ridin dirty bet you'll be leavin with an even madder mood I'mma laugh at you then I'mma have to cruise I'm in number two on some more DJ Screw You can't arrest me plus you can't sue This a message to the laws tellin them WE HATE YOU I can't be touched or tell 'em that they shoulda known Tippin' down, sittin' crooked on my chrome Bookin' my phone, tryin' to find a chick I wanna bone Like they couldn't stop me I'mma 'bout to pull up at your home and it's on
The police will apparently be really annoyed when they realise that Chamillionaire is not riding in a filthy car. Whut?
Chamillionaire does not take this well; like a player who has a go at a referee after already receiving a yellow card for dissent, Chamillionaire will laugh and continue to taunt the police even though they've let him off with a warning - one assumes this can and will only result in further disciplinary action being taken against Chamillionaire and his best friend, Captain Krayzie - no matter how much they may hate the law and those who must enforce it, I feel as though they should at the very least respect the rules and regulations which govern society and that to do anything else would be childish, immoral and criminal.
There's also some stuff about boning a girl here. Charming. Utterly, utterly charming. All in all this song leaves me with the unbridled impression that Chamillionaire really is the sort of chap I'd quite like to go down to the local pub with.
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