Michael Jackson - Thriller
Tom does not make any paedophilia jokes whatsoever as he looks at this iconic classic which basically gets wheeled out for one week a year and one week only.
It's close To Midnight and Something Evil's Lurking in The Dark. Under The Moonlight, You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart. You Try To Scream, But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It. You Start To Freeze, As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes, You're Paralyzed
Michael tells a tale and in this tale he tells of how it's getting close to midnight. Generally this means that he's getting excited because he's stayed up past his bedtime (what?) and that clearly pressuring mummy and daddy have found something on telly that their confused son is allowed to watch - perhaps it's those nice girls on those channels on Sky which sell jewellery services during the day and, er, services during the night and they have decided to get little Mickey sexually educated.
But wait! What ho! There is something evil lurking in the dark. Now critics (like me) would argue that this is almost too easy, that it's nearing midnight, it's past the average child's bedtime (unless they've stayed up to watch RussianBabez4u) and that little Mickey is there, lurking in the background in the child's darkened room, illuminated only by a 16 inch television screen and some lounge groove. But MJ (she's in Spiderman isn't she?) is only telling the story, and therefore we can't declare that this is necessarily autobiographical. Anyway, I digress.
This victim has seen a sight that almost stops your heart (WackoPaedoJacko reference: check). The victim tries to scream (check), terror takes away the sound before the victim can make it (check check) and ultimately, the victim is paralyzed and has nowhere to run nor hide - potentially due to a dosage of rohypnol, which is known to have these effects.. This is all sounding very much like a certain witness statement...
You Hear The Door Slam, And Realize There's Nowhere Left To Run. You Feel The Cold Hold, And Wonder If You'll Ever See The Sun You Close Your Eyes, And Hope That This Is Just Imagination, girl But All The While, You Hear The Creature Creepin' Up Behind You're Out Of Time
All of a sudden the victim is caught out of the RussianBabez4u/disfigured stranger induced trance because there is a slam of the door! There is clearly an inconsiderate soul in the house and this is something which needs to be corrected or there could be both damage to the door and also damage to the occupants of the room above, adjoining or indeed below the aforementioned door. Clearly the victim has not moved at all since before and still realises that really there is nowhere to run, and that's just as well as because the victim is probably a child (what?) they probably can't run that quickly anyway so it would just be futile - especially seeing as it's apparently a bit of a chilly night and there is no sign of the sun coming up any time soon (thus leading us to assume its somewhere between 10 and 2 in the morning).
It transpires that the victim is a girl! Unless it really is just imagination and the accosted boy is trying to imagine he's a girl in some utterly bizarre attempt to outmanoeuvre his assailant, who one assumes chooses victims of the pre-pubescent male variety specifically. All this time apparently the sound of the creature (harsh) creeping up behind the victim has been growing louder and louder until it's reached a climactic moment; time, it would seem, has run out. Aaahhh! Scary stuff I'm sure you'll agree viewers.
They're Out to Get You, There's Demons Closing In On Every Side. They Will Possess You, Unless You Change The Number On Your Dial. Now Is the Time for You and I to Cuddle Close Together dear. All Thru The Night, I'll Save You From The Terror On The Screen, I'll Make You See
It would appear that this is a networked ring, a gang of scandalous individual beasts! My word the authorities will have a field day if they ever hear of this scandal - it's utterly outrageous. These beasts are also apparently quite jealous, controlling and as such could be described as being somewhat possessive - just like a certain career controlling and bizarre father. And here Jackson reveals his full role in this façade; he is more than narrator, he is supposedly going to look after this young male. There is very little else this author can say on that subject without it becoming potentially (er...) libellous. Another further revelation is revealed; this is all one big movie. I'd rather watch RussianBabez4u than any movie with this many connotations and this dodgy a plot but that's just me really.
Darkness Falls Across The Land, The Midnight Hour Is Close At Hand. Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood To Terrorize Yours Neighborhood And Whosoever Shall Be Found Without The Soul For Getting Down Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell, And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell. The Foulest Stench Is In The Air The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years And Grizzly Ghouls From Every Tomb Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom And Though You Fight To Stay Alive Your Body Starts To Shiver For No Mere Mortal Can Resist The Evil Of The Thriller
It is still dark and apparently it is still not quite midnight (I would put it at around the 23:55 stage right now). It would appear that the air is a bit smelly and that theres lots of dead bodies which have risen up and started dancing - oh no that's the video. All of a sudden this cheap horror movie has turned into reality, and while one wants to commend Michael Jackson for such a cheeky turn of events; he now has described this ring as "Thriller" (Hi! I'm Ted and I'm part of the Thriller group! We're a bunch of 14 year olds and we meet up every month! Would you like to join us?" etc.).
Michael Jackson here has essentially written a song which with hindsight makes you sit up and go "er, ok, maybe the signs actually were there?"
'Cause this Is Thriller, Thriller Night and No-ones Gonna Save You from the Beast about Strike. You Know its Thriller, Thiller Night You're fighting for Your Life inside a Killer, Thriller. Thriller, Thriller Night 'Cause I can thrill you More Than Any Ghoul Could ever dare try. (Thriller, Thriller Night) So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer Thriller Chiller, Thriller Here Tonight.
Michael Jackson has now started to sing about this group of men who meet every month posing as children. "Thriller" have a night every month, and well, the lyrics speak for themselves really - the victims have nothing to protect them from the beasts who are about to strike. The next lines to be honest with you are somewhat surreal with regard to this analogy; the victim is fighting for their life inside the killer, who is a member of the Thriller society. Take from that what you will.
Jackson then makes a bizarre comment alluding to the fact that he could be a member of the Thriller clan, though once again for reasons concerning libel we cannot say whether or not this is actually true within the context of this analogy.
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